Sunday, September 5, 2010

A REVIEW OF THE PAST FOUR YEARS: Freshman part 2

On with the events of that first year in college. Mom broke her foot, and still to this day it brings her much pain. It was a traumatic event for me too because it made me realize that although I knew that I was growing up, so was everyone else. And my mom was no longer indestructible. Neither of my parents were, they both had frailties and faults and some of my world had to be reconstructed because of the events of my parents in those first few months of college.This here is a picture of Maya's fifth birthday get-together. She is so cute, and in the past four years has grown up so much. I am really going to be very sad when this October rolls around and I'm not there to celebrate her ninth birthday with her.Mason, Brendan, and all the boys were starting to head out on their missions or at least get their mission calls about this time of the year. It was so exciting for me to watch them find out where they were going to spend the next two years of their lives. Where they were going to serve the Lord and where they were going to learn and grow so much. I'll admit I wasn't excited to have them leave me, that would mean that I would have to go outside of my comfort zone, but it was good for all of us. We were all in that stage of life.

Brynn's birthday came and went too, she has always been so much fun. Always full of life and personality. I was grateful to live so close to my family, to go there to do laundry, to get a break from school and life at college, to laugh, giggle, and play.

Tate, and Peach came with April to pick me up each week for piano lessons. I have to admit that there were days that I forgot that it was piano lessons and I would come in to find that I had missed it and they had come and gone. And other times they were there waiting for me to head off for the night. This is a picture of Tate on my bed, I don't know if this was a time that I was tending them, or if it was one of those times that I forgot what day of the week it was and got caught up in my school work. either way, it was a cute picture of a very cute kid.

Well, that first year of college brought lots of new things with it. I seemed to spend more and more time with Joey, enjoying the laughter and company. I enjoyed having someone to talk to online while I was doing my homework 'til all hours of the evening. And found that I really didn't like it when he went out of town because I missed him too much. Shortly after this realization I had to empty out a few of my pop can lids from my jar.

Christmas time was so much fun this year. Joanna and Doug came into town I swear on Santa's sleigh. We had a wonderful nativity narration that year with Tate and Brynn as Mary and Joseph. And had such a great time all together.
Over Christmas break Joey and I became official about dating and spent every moment together. That next semester Joey and I took a ballroom class together and Joey took me with him to the dances at BYU (a fact that BYU had dances I had forgotten about until I was looking through my old pictures because they only time I went was this semester with Joey).

Joey and I spent all of our time together. We knew he was preparing for a mission so we made a goal to even read the Book of Mormon together before he headed out. As roommates we grew closer together this semester too, they didn't always like the fact that Joey was always taking me to do things and I wasn't around to do it with them, but I didn't mind. I think the thing they (Hill) didn't liked the most was that there would be nights that I forgot to bring my keys with me and when I was coming home some days at 12:30 or so I would knock on our windows to ask someone to let me in. The night depicted here in this picture I did remember my keys though. I think we left at 11 or 11:30 and then went hiking up the mountain. It was so freakin' cold though. We were talking and Joey spooked me out talking about mountain lions and gravitating to body heat in the winter, and being so low in the mountains that we didn't really get anywhere of note up the trail, just that we did it and were so cold. On the way back I was trying to get that awful imagery of us getting eating by a mountain lion out of my head and trying to think of ways to get warm that I mentioned Eskimo kisses and how I could totally understand why they would rub their noses together..... it was to get warm. We (really meaning Joey) decided to get a picture of us kissing as we were testing out if this folk lore was true or not.

Joey got is his mission call they same day that Mason went into the MTC, February 14th. I think this mission call was the worst for me. I knew that it meant that it was real. I knew that it meant that Joey was going to leave me and I didn't like that idea at all.
This semester was pretty good for me. I figured out what it was that I wanted to do when I grew up. I spent lots of time with family and yet didn't feel like I needed to be with them every weekend to be happy. This is at Easter. Grandma and Joey were there with us too celebrating time together and family traditions. This might have been the first year that we did egg wars, but since, it has been incorporated. We worked together too. Mom and Dad decided to develop the land in Mapleton and so we had to take out the fence there. I think this was a closing chapter in Mom and Dad's life. I know that when I was born they put up that fence, and here we were taking it down. That is how all of life is though. We do one thing and then need to move on, grow, change. It is hard, not denying that. But that too is part of life.Court was baptized and Joey was ever coming closer to heading off on his mission. We took mission photos and everything. I still can't believe that Court was baptized four years ago, I remember it so well.

A review of the past four years.... or not

I NEED TO SCRAPBOOK.

I wanted to put here a collection of pictures from the past four years. Kind of recap what has happened, where I have been, the people I have known, and where I am headed. Went through my pictures of the past four years and took them out to do this...... I have over 100 pictures I want to put on this blog post alone..... I don't think that I have the patience to upload that many pictures on here. Putting it in a scrapbook would be the perfect way to capture these moments of my life. It is just that currently I don't have the time to do this. Kinda unfortunate. Anyways, just thought that I would let you know. I'll try to do my best despite this.



A REVIEW OF THE PAST FOUR YEARS: Freshman part 1

Four years ago I started college. It was a new experience for me, and kinda, quite scary. First thing: meet the roommates.
freshman orientation dance

Then to meet the ward with my roommates
Jessica Ellsworth, Emily Kiser, Emily Smith, Kayla Loper, Hilarie Laukat, and Danielle Duffy

The first day of school. My first class was Chemistry 105. I took it from Dr. Lamb and was able to walk to it with Emily Kiser every morning (recitation on Tues/Thurs was also the first class of the day)
I was so freakin' nervous. I did my hair different from normal.... wanted to look super cute, but not look like I tried too hard..... I don't know if I succeeded.


Then to meet my 'Family Home Evening Brothers.' And learn that even when I'm not under my parents supervision, I have still been taught to do what is right. Even if the other option isn't bad.

I was so grateful this first part of the year to still have friends from high school around. Hill was an awesome roommate that I had with me often. But I was grateful that the others weren't too far away either despite that they were doing their own thing.
I got used to the college life, at least a little. But seeing April and her family guaranteed once a week for piano lessons was a life savor. Just because it got me out of the college/new/stress/new situation and I was with people that I knew cared about me.

Sianna (aka: Peach)


Having Joey and Mason there to hang out with certainly helped too.
Mason and Joey after a hockey game.


As an apartment we learned to live with each other and we had fun together.
Halloween Party we put on, it was a SUCCESS.


Danielle, Kayla, Jess, Hilarie, Katie Ray - Hats



Sleepover, the girls were introduced to 'the fridge' and fell in love.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Shout Out

I follow a few blogs that I read when I really seriously need a pick me up, or a "what am I going to do tonight", and sometimes just a catch up because it has been too long. But they have made a difference in my life, and I don't think they know it, but yeah, I appreciate them. So here is to you:

Kalisha - thank you for your wonderful attitude, and for letting me share in your life.
I am amazed at all of the things you are able to accomplish, and that you can be away from your husband for so long, and are willing to share all of your experiences. Hearing about your marriage is wonderful, and I appreciate being able to learn from you.

Kayla - man, you have a gift with words and expressing them, and expressing my emotions, maybe it is just my emotions that I feel oozing out of your words because you are such a good writer, or maybe we are experiencing similar things, I don't know, but I love reading your blogs. Funny, sad, leave me alone, spiritual, looking forward, self evaluation, you have it all. Thank you. My favorite quote from this weeks read that is going to help me get through this next little bit is, "Own who you are and don't be ashamed of it." Again, thank you for sharing.

I am an awful person and seriously do not talk with my siblings often enough, but I appreciate being able to stay connected with my family, at least a teeny, tiny bit through the following blogs:

Tiffany - "enjoy the laugh, embrace the pain, live for the moment" if I were to sum up this blog, that is what I would say. I appreciate reading here because things are said so directly that seriously you have to appreciate what is said, and learned from them

Teri - after them moving away this is the only connection (again, I know it is my fault) I have had with them, and I miss them being here so much that every post (even if it is few and far in between) is like a ray of sunshine

Spring - wonderful pictures are taken, personal successes are shared, challenges are overcome, and I am grateful to take part in some of it

April - reading here gives me a different perspective that I am able to use to evaluate my own life. Each day comes with new territory, and each day has its successes.

Joanna - the most consistent journal - I mean blog (well, really I mean both) writer I know. I appreciate having little glimpses into the lives of those I care about oh so much, and am grateful to learn from the daily tasks of life


To all of you, thank you. Thank you for helping me to look into my life and learn from you because you share.

My idea of Hell

I think hell is a place where we cannot change, where we are not willing to change, to grow to become better, but that we are stagnant in our carnal states for forever. With my husband gone, I have spare time that I have had time to think and evaluate where I am at. I don't know if I am stagnant or not. There are days and weeks that I feel like I am moving forward and up and there are days and weeks I know that I am completely stagnant. Luckily it isn't everything in life, but some things. May we all each day be moving, be moving forward and not stay stagnant.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

normal?

Is it normal to feel like you have to find yourself again when you get married?

I am not used to Joey knowing everything about me, I am not used to him knowing me well enough to know what it is that I am going to do before even I do.... like those random times.
I am not used to not wanting to get out of bed (not a bad thing to have someone to snuggle with) but then wasting the morning away, and feeling guilty about it.
I am not used to juggling three families - ours, Smith's, and Finley's
I am not used to the normalcy of hearing Joey's voice, I wish I got more butterflies when I talked to him, rather than just expecting it.
I am not used to moving in, moving out.
I am not used to worrying so much about someone else.
I am not used to making decisions together - it is harder than one originally expects.
I am not used to coming home and not having him there.
I am not used to having someone to talk everything through with
I am not used to having someone love me wholly, that doesn't have to.

I wonder when it is going to feel normal, to feel like I am back to being myself all the time. Maybe it isn't being married at all, maybe it is having a real job and not being in school. Maybe it is that I have lost myself because I haven't been as good at doing those everyday, simple things that we are supposed to: reading scriptures, taking care of myself physically, taking time to get ready, etc.

Is it normal to want to have these emotions. I'm sure it is. I am sure that for everyone at this time of change they feel that they are on shaky ground. And yet, I know that I am where I am supposed to be, I know that I am doing the right thing, and that together Joey and I are both better and stronger, and that we have a long ways to go until we grow together. Grafting, right?!? That is how I feel still. I feel like I am being grafted, for my own good. but for the first little bit I still have a lot of growing to do. I guess I'm doing that.