So, I have been crying at the drop of a hat the past for days. I think it has been the idea of change and moving into new territory, the usual stress of life and growing up. And then, tonight Joey and I watched "13 going on 30" and I think I made a really big realization. For those of you who know me, you know that I have never wanted to grow up, I have always wanted to be little and wanted to always stay little. I even had a Christmas where I really didn't like the idea that I was big and spent Christmas Eve crying in my bed, my brother and my Mom came in to comfort me to let me know that Even when you are big Christmas is still a magical experience, and is quite wonderful. Abby and I have had many conversations about me not wanting to grow up because of the heartache and the responsibilities it holds, my roommates and I have had many nights filled with awe at how although we were growing up, and were getting closer, that we still felt little, how I wanted to stay back, go back to being little, and how most of them wanted to move on, grow up, be big. Anyways, back to the movie: the main girl, she just wanted to be big, she wanted to be 30. At first it is everything she ever thought it would be, and then reality hits. In the movie, I know that she is distraught because of the choices she made, but at one point in the movie she goes back home, and is thinking about her life, her life as a little girl, wanting to be that little girl, and yet is there trapped in this older body. You know, that feeling was VERY very real to me. I certainly would not mind going back and being four again. But you know what? Unlike this girl in the movie, I have not regretted the choices I have made in my life and am very excited for what is ahead of me. And quite honestly, it would be very sad to live my life as a four year old and to have the rest of the world grow up around me, I would wonder why it was that I never got to have a prince come for me, or why I never got to stay up late, or why I had to always listen to someone else and do what they want me to. I was sitting there watching this movie with Joey and my mom, and for the first time, in well, I was going to say ever, but I know that when I was little my mother banned me from growing up, and turning another year older, and it was a sad day for me then, BUT it is the first time that I can remember that I have ever WANTED to grow up. It was the first time that I was truly excited for all that is ahead of me. Not saying it is going to be a cake walk at all, but certainly saying there is MUCH to look forward to. I know that I am marrying the right person, he makes me want to progress, he makes me want to be better, and I love him so much. I am excited to marry him, to watch us both graduate, to see him start his career, to have our first child, to buy a home, to have a dog and to train it. How exciting will it be to have my own little family, to raise a family, to create traditions, to love and grow and learn more. To grow old together, and spend eternity with him.
I am not wanting to go back. I am not wanting to be little again. Those comforts still are very nice every now and again, and something that was wonderful. I will cherish those memories, hopefully for my entire life. But, I am so excited for the future. I am excited to grow up and be with Joey for eternity, to have our own little family, and to learn and grow together.
No comments:
Post a Comment